City drivers are idiots, especially when they are not in the city.

I’m going to generalize, stereotype, and generally just lump all city people in to two categories; morons and ass holes. If you are from the city and do not fit what I am about to write, I apologize. If you are from the city and do fit the role that I am about to cast you in….well you will see how I feel about you.

Holidays in the Mojave Desert always mean the same thing; off roader’s and dirt bikers from the cities. Every holiday weekend the denizens of the LA, Inland Empire, and Central California cities descend upon the desert for a weekend of playing in the dirt. From Mojave to Dove Springs, Kramer Junction up to Trona and Ridgecrest and across the desert along the Randsburg/Garlock road, tens of thousands of city dwellers make trailer camps and run the desert trails in their favorite off road vehicle. The numbers of city people camping in the desert actually dwarf the combined population of the surrounding communities that are located in the upper Mojave along highways 14, 395 and 58.

You would think that this would mean increased revenue for the surrounding communities, and it does, but not as much as you would think. The biggest businesses that benefit are the hospitals in Ridgecrest, Lancaster and anywhere that the life flight out of California City has to take people. The hospital in Ridgecrest actually had to increase ER staffing this Thanksgiving Holiday just to handle the influx of off road accidents. The staff are run in to the ground, can’t take breaks and are not granted leave to be with families just so that these city people can be taken care of. From what I have seen the majority of injured ride dirt bikes, the majority of the injured dirt bike riders are drunk, the rest tend to be children. I could be wrong, but the few hospital staff I have talked to tend to support this. They are of course rude and treat the staff like sub-humans. Though this is a problem not confined to city people these days, I see it all over, especially restaurant’s.

This Saturday I had to make the usually short 55 mile trek down Highway 395 to Kramer Junction so that I could turn West of Highway 58 and head to my grandparents. The full 55 miles from Ridgecrest to Kramer Junction is a narrow two lane highway that runs up, over, around and down hills. Full of blind curves, hills that hide traffic, only two passing lanes, almost no shoulder on either side and is full of semi’s. Driving this road during normal days can be dangerous, holidays make it even worse.

From what I see, city people can barely drive safely on multi-lane freeways, you get them on a two lane highway and they are downright mentally challenged ass holes. The normally busy highway was packed this weekend with lines of vehicles headed both North and South. I had a mentally deficient driver in a Toyota Tundra pull in front of me on 395 this Saturday, with the obligatory two dirt bikes tied down in the bed and a license plate holder advertising an LA auto dealer. As we are driving down 395 this genius immediately brakes to a stop in the middle of the highway. I was originally about two car lengths behind the truck and going about 60 (which was the speed of traffic due to how busy the highway was). The sudden stop almost put me in to the trucks back bumper. I immediately hit the brakes and swerved my Challenger to the right, riding the shoulder around the truck and then back in to the South bound lane. I could see the gleam of the rear bumper in my driver window as I passed the truck. I looked in my rearview and saw this douchebag turn his left blinker on, turn across oncoming traffic, almost causing an accident in that lane and then proceed to speed down a dirt road in to the hills. I had an urge to turn around and go after this truck, but my Challenger is not made for dirt roads and I had my mom with me. She was almost having a heart attack as it was.

Speaking of speeding down dirt roads, 395 does not have any frontage roads like most highways. However, this stretch of 395 does have a dirt road on the West side, about 150 feet off the southbound lane. Of course it was a windy day with the wind blowing West to East and of course these people thought it would be fun to drive their trucks, jeeps, bikes, sand rails and various other vehicles as fast as they could down this road. The ensuing dust storms that these morons caused reduced visibility to just a few feet and slowed traffic down to a crawl.

After this of course were more people that don’t know how to drive two lane highways. Here are some tips for all you city people that drive like you are the only people on Earth that matter:
1. Double yellow lines mean that you can’t pass. Usually because it isn’t safe.
2. If you can’t see traffic on the other side of the hill that you are on, they can’t see you either.
3. When you do pass, and there is a car in the oncoming lane coming straight for you, DON”T STAY
IN THE WRONG LANE!!!!!!! This makes you at best an ass hole for running the oncoming car off the
road and at worst a murderer for the head on collision that you cause.
4. Tailgating is a good way to end up in an accident, especially when you are tailgating a car going
75 and 80mph.
5. A short turning lane is not a passing lane. Moron.
6. If you are driving a large vehicle like a motor home or camper, or pulling something like a 5th
wheel, it’s generally an ass hole move to hug the center line and block visibility. People can’t
safely pass around you when you do this.

I of course saw all of this and multiple times as I drove South. I was able to avoid getting in three different accidents because of bad drivers and I witnessed many other near misses and close calls between other drivers in front of me and behind me. One particular instance that I want to point out was the guy and two kids that drove their dirt bikes out of the desert, across both lanes of 395 and back in to the desert. They did this without stopping, nearly getting hit and almost causing accidents in both lanes.

I’m not sure what causes city people to act like they don’t have any common sense when they drive out in the desert. Maybe it’s going wild in the wide open spaces because they are used to being confined? Maybe it’s the lack of practice driving anything but multi-lane freeways? Maybe all the city air and water just affects their brains and they really are all just mentally challenged?

When your city dwelling driving habits on and off road start endangering people’s lives, you should stop and think about what you are doing. From now on when then start endangering my life, watch out.

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